Marriage provides a meaningful and beneficial script to life that we can sometimes take for granted. Preparation for the union should be recognised as a primary responsibility by both parties. Here are 10 simple steps to follow when embarking upon this magical experience…
1. Motivation
Asking yourself, “What kind of spouse do I want to be?” will allow you to identify any room for change that you may need to consider before the big day.
Don’t become complacent during engagement. Start by reminding yourself and your partner what brought you two together in the first place, and take note of anything you both used to do for each other but have since stopped. Perhaps it’s time to reignite the flames?
2. Communication
Being able to empathise with your partner is fundamental to any relationship, and even more so when it comes to those who choose to marry. The merging of two lives to become one can be scary, everyone is different after all, so being able to put yourself into your partner’s shoes allows you to see things from their perspective and understand what it is that they are going through.
But communication is not strictly just about being able to talk with each other. Many people consider there to be five languages of love, those being the different ways in which we are able to communicate our feelings in a more effective way to those we love.
3. Conflicts and Resolution
Every relationship has it’s ups and downs, so conflict during marriage is only inevitable. Being prepared for this means that you and your partner are ready to face what lies ahead. Focus on your attitude towards the conflict and work your ideals up from there.
A good way to do this is view your reaction to initial conflict as one of two possibilities: the rhino or the hedgehog. If you’re one to keep to yourself and hold anxiety internally, you may be more like the proverbial spikeball. However, those who tend to lash out and are unwilling to listen to anyone else when angry then you might need to hide your horns from the poachers. Find balance between the two, between yourself and your partner.
4. Commitment
We all fear commitment, it’s natural. Fear can drive us to do all sorts of things, like get married. We fear a life alone and so seek comfort in others, so don’t see your fears as something to be worried about.
Discuss your fears and doubts with your spouse-to-be. You might realise certain aspects of your attitudes and behaviours that increase the level of fear you feel in situations, and your other half may be able to help you with that. You’re both about to take a big step into a new life together, lending a helping hand could do the world of good.
5. Maturity
Nowadays, sexuality is an inescapable aspect of our daily lives. We have objectification forced down our throats everywhere we go. Acknowledging this as a given in today’s society. You’re getting married, you will have sex. You might have already had it before, so don’t shy away because the stakes are now higher than before.
You two are going to grow old together, so it’s time to buckle down and ditch the timid charade and explore your own body as well your partner’s and make sure they’re doing the same. Sex is key to any relationship, but it should not be used as a bargaining tactic. Sex is good, it is what we use it for that makes us immoral and can be harmful.
6. Responsibilities
Let’s face it, marriage is just the first step of many towards sharing a life with the one you love. But, there are many other reasons people choose marriage. Marriage is the first step in starting a family for the most of us, and what follows from the first few years of matrimony usually includes the first time buy of an abode and the inevitable: kids.
Everyone has at one point or another thought about their legacy. Yes, you can leave many things behind in life, but children are the only living legends you can bore. Discussing these kinds of things with your partner can alleviate stresses you don’t want to carry with you over the wedding-bell-rainbow so air any grievances you may have; let your partner know that when you do have a baby whether or not you want them to have a similar upbringing to yours or not. Get the worst out of the way and you and your spouse will soon be on the way to a happy matrimony in no time!
7. Sacrament
Religious or not, including sacrament into your marriage allows you to make things personal. Inviting God, or whoever and whatever you worship (if anything), to bear witness to your ceremony helps to build sanctity in the roots of your marriage.
This isn’t just about including religion, it’s about being open with your spirituality with your partner and letting them do the same with you. We all have our own beliefs, and sharing them with the love of your life can help bring the two of you that tiny bit closer, all in preparation for your big day.
8. Security
Face it, in a few months from now when you’ve walked down the aisle and the honeymoon effect has worn off and life begins to settle again, you’ll want to feel secure in your position as a spouse. When making decisions, decide on them together or allow for one another to at least share an input.
We all need security in our lives, and marriage is supposed to be what cements this down for us later in life. Things can happen, we are never in complete control of our own path, as much as we like to make it seem that way. You and your partner will need to understand that this is inevitable and be willing to face it all together, and you’d better have a plan in mind.
9. Routine
Habits fall in and out of society and some of them like to stick around for certain people. Whether it be something as simple as sleeping on the left side of the bed or as important as counting your cutlery, we all like to do things in a certain way and sometimes the one we marry does things differently.
We’ve already spoken about empathy, but this delves more deeper than that – the things we do that make us, well, us are almost sacred. What are we, if not what we do? Marriage is all about coming together. Yes, that means being able to draw similarities between your and your partner’s lives. It also means the unfortunate realisation of compromise. Do it, but not out of spite. Do it out of love.
10. Research
There is no sure-fire way to know how to hold down a happy marriage, but sometimes we forget to look a little closer to home when in need of inspiration. Who do you know that know you better than you know yourself? And are (hopefully) still happily married? For most of us, our parents remain happily married all our lives. That’s not to say that if they aren’t that they can’t trip the matrimonial light fantastic. They had to start somewhere before you came along..
We all know someone who’s already married. Asking them for advice on what to expect can be highly beneficial. The people we grow up with shape our beliefs. It is because of them that we are able to feel real love. And, it is thanks to that love that you’re about to get hitched.
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