When curating your first draft guest list for your wedding, there are a number of questions that fly through the air between your and your partner. One of the most awkward of these to arise is the inevitable, “Can I bring my ex?”
This can get to be a sensitive area for some, so be prepared to listen to what your significant other has to say about the person before coming to any final conclusions.
We All Like Reflecting On Our Past
Thinking of the lovers we’ve known but for our partners this can cause all sorts of worry and panic. Are they going to reignite something? Am I second best? Why do they need to be there? It’s our special day. And they’re right – it is your day.
But, as much as it is your day it is also your partner’s day so don’t go spoiling it for them by bringing up an old flame during the plans. While not all relationships end in turmoil – look at you, you’re getting married – sometimes the relics of our youth can cause more damage later in life and this is one situation any wedding planner should consider.
Think Of Your Partner
The main thing to take into account is how your partner is going to react to the person being brought up, let alone attending. If you’re still great friends with an old friend from high school that you once shared a peck on the cheek with at the start of adulthood, your partner may not be as intimidated. And, if they are, respect that.
Sometimes our social circles remain the same for the majority of our lives, and there’s nothing wrong with that – if anything it just goes to show that you made some great choices in life and stuck to the right path. And with the close groups will come the intermingling, it’s only natural. This could have been how you met the love of your life, with whom you’ll be sharing the rest of your life with, but what did it take to get to where you are today?
Tread With Caution
If you and your partner are both happy to let the person attend, let it be. If, at any point before the invites are sent out, you or your partner experience any shadow of a doubt about what could come of them being present then dodge the bullet. Don’t play the martyr, and don’t try playing the Even Stevens game – if you have to, let them go. Don’t begrudge your partner still being able to bring one of their exes, especially if the only reason that you don’t want them there anymore if because you can’t bring one of yours.
You and your partner have managed to get this far, so you must know each other well enough to have spoken openly about your past relationships and it is this that will make the decisions easier for yourselves. If you’re having to keep the true story of a past relationship a secret from your partner then they definitely should not be at your wedding!
Other things to regard aren’t as important as the trust you two need to solidify in making this decision, but can play an integral role in the final choice.
All in all, it’s a game of trust.
If you can’t think of any other way to introduce a certain guest to someone at your wedding other than them being your ex, are you okay with that? If it’s something you’re willing to face at the time and feel as though it’s no big deal then go for it.
Apart from that, ask yourself what it means to have this person at your wedding. If they remained a good friend over the years that followed after you two split, then it might not be so bad. But it all comes down to how you feel about this person being there, and then how your partner reacts to it. Is it that important for them to be there? If so, your partner should understand and should be okay with it. Skip the unwanted drama and just talk to them about it, don’t leave it until the last minute.